I woke up today
more tired than usual,
drank coffee and ate oreos
and went outside
and there was some sun
and I walked
then ran
then walked again
because my lungs hurt
but it’s just asthma
and I was all alone
even though there
were some faces
like the one girl who waved at me
while dashing past
and I smiled at her
and then at an old man
in a cap and face mask
who crossed the street
when he saw me
because he could die
and then I went home
where I was alone some more
trying to play some guitar
and do work but fuck it all
so I went outside again
and walked to sea
and sat and watched
the burnt pier and felt
really fucking good
with real heat on my face,
and breaking the fucking rules, yes,
but I’d rather break the rules
than my fucking mind because
the rules are temporary
but if my mind breaks
it could be forever
and for always,
and I wonder if
all of this
is really ok
because it doesn’t
feel ok at all,
not to me
anyway
but maybe
I’m just a cunt
but I am what I am
and change
is fiction,
real stuff is just
a fucking circle
and I hate
circles.
