Bouncing on the river side lungs
heaving but no asthma just
general inability to cope
because usually I lie in bed
on Sunday in a room full of smoke
electric lights because
the shutters are closed
on account of my neighbours
who can see me clearly
if I open my shutters
and the guy might be a cop
I don’t know he’s a new neighbour
don’t trust new people
because everyone and everything
is a potential threat
they are not what they seem
the dog taught me that
in the last five days
thank you, dog.
What the fuck happened to me
now I’m outside and it feels good
there are people but not too many
ghetto barbecue and blind person
man and kid on bikes
old man on bridge with pipe,
the leaves are so damn nice today
though I can’t stop or stand still
and worry about things since
the flies won’t leave me alone
maybe six landed on me
when I stopped momentarily
mesmerised by the haze
surrounding fire in the trees
and the boat is still waiting
for me but I have no oars
and the river is cold.
I just keep stepping
and remembering
how I felt a while ago when
I was empty and breezy
and the dirty tunes
in my ears are helping me
physical nostalgia like bells
thank fuck I’m easy again
I don’t need anything
especially not the telescope
I glued to half my face
while clamping the other eye
shut and gluing that too
sometime in the last few weeks,
it’s broken so I’m throwing
it into this dirty river
fuck you telescope
so narrow and ‘epicentric‘
like there’s nothing else, no
not true at all telescope
I just need basic exertion
fresh air and music, simple fun,
(thanks again, dog)
to dream of other things
like my actual dreams
that I’ve had for most
of my life and not
just lately.
