…this telescope is broken

Bouncing on the river side lungs

heaving but no asthma just

general inability to cope

because usually I lie in bed

on Sunday in a room full of smoke

electric lights because

the shutters are closed

on account of my neighbours

who can see me clearly

if I open my shutters

and the guy might be a cop

I don’t know he’s a new neighbour

don’t trust new people

because everyone and everything

is a potential threat

they are not what they seem

the dog taught me that

in the last five days

thank you, dog.

 

What the fuck happened to me

now I’m outside and it feels good

there are people but not too many

ghetto barbecue and blind person

man and kid on bikes

old man on bridge with pipe,

the leaves are so damn nice today

though I can’t stop or stand still

and worry about things since

the flies won’t leave me alone

maybe six landed on me

when I stopped momentarily

mesmerised by the haze

surrounding fire in the trees

and the boat is still waiting

for me but I have no oars

and the river is cold.

 

I just keep stepping

and remembering

how I felt a while ago when

I was empty and breezy

and the dirty tunes

in my ears are helping me

physical nostalgia like bells

thank fuck I’m easy again

I don’t need anything

especially not the telescope

I glued to half my face

while clamping the other eye

shut and gluing that too

sometime in the last few weeks,

it’s broken so I’m throwing

it into this dirty river

fuck you telescope

so narrow and ‘epicentric‘

like there’s nothing else, no

not true at all telescope

I just need basic exertion

fresh air and music, simple fun,

(thanks again, dog)

to dream of other things

like my actual dreams

that I’ve had for most

of my life and not

just lately.

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