Poems and stuff by Maté Jarai…
Poems and stuff by Maté Jarai…

…the instrumental piano music I’m listening to makes me want to kill myself

The instrumental piano

music I’m listening to

makes me want to kill myself.

It’s 5AM and it’s dark

and the music should

be peaceful and relaxing

I think and also inspire creativity

and concentration because it’s

from a playlist on Spotify

called ‘Focus instrumental’

but it should be called

‘Suicide instrumental.’

I googled the composer whose

name is Alexander Chapman Campbell

and he looks happy in the pictures

on his website but I also

look happy in most of my photos

so that doesn’t mean much.

Alexander Chapman Campbell is

27 years old so if he kills himself

soon because of his own suicidal

piano music he will be like Kurt

Cobain and Jim Morrison and

Janis Joplin and others I forget.

Maybe he wants to be one of

them which is why he writes such

depressing piano music, in order

to slowly drive himself towards

beer and whisky and eventually

vodka for breakfast and meth and

crack and tears for breakfast and maybe

dinner too and self-loathing and misery

and depression and eventually the end

so I’m going to change playlists now

because I’m fragile since it’s 5AM and

I’m alone and I wish I wasn’t, like if I had

even just a cat or a dog to pet although

someone human that I love would

be even better but I’ll just eat

some chocolate cereal with almond

milk so the milk becomes chocolate

almond milk and I’ll feel six years

old again and then I’ll also be full at least

and not think about suicide

but about how full of chocolatey goodness

I am at 5AM which is unique

for me at least, this fucking piano music, man.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.