The instrumental piano
music I’m listening to
makes me want to kill myself.
It’s 5AM and it’s dark
and the music should
be peaceful and relaxing
I think and also inspire creativity
and concentration because it’s
from a playlist on Spotify
called ‘Focus instrumental’
but it should be called
‘Suicide instrumental.’
I googled the composer whose
name is Alexander Chapman Campbell
and he looks happy in the pictures
on his website but I also
look happy in most of my photos
so that doesn’t mean much.
Alexander Chapman Campbell is
27 years old so if he kills himself
soon because of his own suicidal
piano music he will be like Kurt
Cobain and Jim Morrison and
Janis Joplin and others I forget.
Maybe he wants to be one of
them which is why he writes such
depressing piano music, in order
to slowly drive himself towards
beer and whisky and eventually
vodka for breakfast and meth and
crack and tears for breakfast and maybe
dinner too and self-loathing and misery
and depression and eventually the end
so I’m going to change playlists now
because I’m fragile since it’s 5AM and
I’m alone and I wish I wasn’t, like if I had
even just a cat or a dog to pet although
someone human that I love would
be even better but I’ll just eat
some chocolate cereal with almond
milk so the milk becomes chocolate
almond milk and I’ll feel six years
old again and then I’ll also be full at least
and not think about suicide
but about how full of chocolatey goodness
I am at 5AM which is unique
for me at least, this fucking piano music, man.
