This is my thirty-year-old Hungarian face
I’m melancholic and often numb
Or if not I’m angry and disatisfied
Fairly lazy and ungrateful
Entitled and exhausted
In need of constant mind tweaking and/or attention
just to keep going
I’m poor and have lost almost all my ambition
Always want what I don’t have
I’m envious of what others have while pretending not to give a fuck
I’m weak physically and even
weaker mentally
I’m paranoid and scared
I’m restless and impatient
Dangerously impulsive
I’m immature and unreliable
I’m disappointed and a complete disappointment
I spend too much time in my own head far away from here
I lack willpower, common sense and practical skills
I’m not pretty or smart or interesting or even interested
I’m bored of basically everything including myself
I write stuff no one reads
I make music no one listens to
I teach English for 11 euros an hour in a town no one outside of Italy has heard of
I feel ignored
I’m often lonely
I hate myself daily
I’m sad sometimes for no good reason
I’m irrational and insecure
I waste a lot of time
I’m dumber than I once was
Forgot most of what I’ve learned
I rarely engage in politics
Or actively participate in saving
the world
I just complain about how
much it sucks and how
stupid everyone is
I’m a hypocrite
I’m my own construction
I’m fake and meaningless
Senseless and aimless
Just a bunch of ‘stuff’
But you know what kids?
Now that it’s out there at least there’s no pressure
I can just walk around freely like all the other cunts just walking around waiting to die while living a little along the way
I’m happy about it
Feeling loose about it
And sometimes, in flickering instances on warm, sunny days, I might still be deluded enough to think I’m gona make it
On those days I’ll struggle but it’s always been a good fight
Yeah, I’m happy about it
